When You’ve Been Left Out…

I’m extrovert!  I love being around people.  I actually NEED to be around people.  Being around people energizes me!  Although the problem I’m getting ready to write about probably affects extroverts more, it’s a problem for introverts too…so don’t skip this post if you’re thinking blah, blah, blah…extroverts need people.  

As it becomes more common for people to connect on social media, it’s also more common to see the details of another person’s life.  Who they hang out with. Who they invited to their birthday party. Who came over for a holiday and on and on.  

I’m going to be vulnerable here and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. But, sometimes it stings when you find out that you weren’t invited to the party, girls night out, or cookout.  I’ve been scrolling through Facebook feeling good about life – then BOOM!  I see that I wasn’t invited…now I’m lonely, sad and no one likes me!   

Through this, I’ve learned to ask myself a couple of questions before I get my panties in a bunch or start feeling sorry for myself:

1.  Would I have invited that person?  Seriously are they on my list?  If not, reevaluate why you felt left out.  Is it because other mutual friends were invited?  Are you just feeling insecure?  Are you bored? In that case make some plans with friends to perk yourself up.  

2.  Could it have been a small get together or a spontaneous outing?  Not everything is a strategic move to leave you out or hurt your feelings.  Ouch!  Yeah, that stings a little but the truth is that you don’t want to get upset over an offense that never happened.

3.  Is this person a good friend that you see regularly?  Maybe there isn’t really a reason to be concerned.  Did they just happen to have a night out without you?  If so, let it go!  Good friendships are too hard to find. Don’t let something small ruin it.  

If you’ve asked yourself all these questions and you still don’t have a clue, ask the person. In your mind you might think that sounds desperate or petty…but if you truly value a friendship, then ask.  If you want to make sure you didn’t hurt the person, then ask.  Or if it was a big milestone event and you’re sad you missed it, just ask!  We’ve bought into this lie that it’s weak to want to be included or invited.  It’s not weak it’s human!

And most of all don’t let Facebook ruin a friendship. Don’t let the stories you’re making up in your mind cause you to isolate yourself.  Be vulnerable and be bold when it comes to friendships – it’s worth it!

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