Being a husband is hard work. I’ve read books about marriage. I read a number of blogs on the topic. And I’m often trying to figure out what it is that my wife wants from me. It turns out that women are quite the complicated species. They change their mind regularly. They often cry for no reason at all. And, they like to go to the bathroom in groups.
How’s that for a gross over-generalization?!?!? 🙂
But, I do consider myself a student of my wife. And she has many wants and needs and I am discovering more and more all the time. A few years ago I discovered one thing that was a need at her core. A need that seemed to supercede many of the others. One that, when met, helped her feel loved and happy in our marriage. That one thing?
And I’m not talking about reminding her to buckle up when we get in the car to go somewhere. I’m talking about safety in our marriage. A place where she can feel secure that no matter what comes our way, we can make it through. A place where she knows my heart and I know hers. A place where she knows that our lives together are the single most important thing to me (other than my relationship with God, of course).
How do I help her to feel safe? Here are a few things I do:
1. I share my life with her. My ups and downs. The things that worry me and the things that make me excited. I tell her when I’m scared and when I’m tempted to make a bad decision. I tell her about my day and I tell her about my hopes and dreams.
2. I give her full access to my life. When she calls, I answer. She knows my passwords and can log in to my social media accounts or phone at any time and I don’t question her motives. She knows my calendar and I check in when I go places. There isn’t a single thing that I do that is a mystery or surprise to her.
3. I lead her spiritually. We do devotions together. We pray together. We discuss spiritual things often. We go to church we teach our kids about Jesus and faith. When I am focused on my relationship with God, she knows that my relationship with her is secure.
4. I make her feel special. I tell her that I love her often – both verbally and through text messages throughout the day. I kiss her before I leave for work each morning. I date her regularly. I tell her she’s beautiful and how great of a mom and wife she is. These acts and words help to reinforce for her that she is a priority for me and the most important woman in my world.
That’s just a few ways that I help my wife feel safe. I’m sure there are many more. How about you? Ladies, is safety as important for you as it is for Consuela? What ways does your husband help you feel safe? Guys, what would you add to this list? Comment below…