The Bad Math Of Marriage

One of the most surprising pieces of feedback I’ve gotten since I started blogging is when people read a post, like it, but then immediately say “but this can go both ways” (meaning for both husbands and wives or men and women or fathers and mothers).  I write from the perspective of a wife, mother and woman.  I would not dare to say that I represent all women or even a majority.  But I write things that I think are useful for married women.  A question I have gotten – and sometimes get thrown under the bus for – is shouldn’t marriage be 50/50?  My answer is absolutely not!  It should be 100/100 and here are three reasons:

1.  50% is failing…it is a big fat F!  I have never heard a teacher say that 50% is giving your best. I’ve never heard an employer say being here half the time is great or as long as you do half your work, you’re a good employee.  In marriage 50% is not good enough. If I only give 50%, I am leaving a lot of space for failure, shortcomings and selfishness.  I want to give my marriage 100%.  It is the most important relationship in my life.  I don’t ever hear anyone saying: “I give my children 50% and that is good enough”…people would be appalled and calling CPS!

2.  There are times when I can’t give my all, so if I am already only giving 50%, it only goes down hill from there.  There are many times in my marriage that I have to lean on my husband; when I am sick, when I am tired, when our children have pushed me to the edge of insanity!  When our son was four weeks old I was in the hospital for 2 days and had surgery.  I couldn’t give much at all and that left my husband responsible for 3 children (one of which was a newborn), taking care of me, working at his job, and keeping our household running.  He stepped in like a champ and held things down.  If he had the 50/50 mentality, we would have been in big trouble.  He was already carrying more than his “fair” share since I was recovering from childbirth but what if he had stopped at 50%?  He would have seemed like a cruel jerk to say Consuela pull it together you’re not giving your 50%!  But in reality that is the attitude that many carry in a 50/50 marriage – they just don’t say it.

3.  We do not commit to a 50/50 marriage.  In most wedding vows we say things like in sickness and in health, in richer and in poorer, etc.  None of those vows set a 50/50 standard they say I am giving my partner 100%; we are not going half on this marriage thing. We are in it 100%!  This challenges us and grows us emotionally and spiritually.  In a society where “self” can become god, allow your marriage to refine you and teach you to live for a bigger purpose that “self.”

Challenge yourself today to a 100/100 marriage!  In what ways have you been giving into the 50/50 principle and what have you been missing out on because of it?  Comment below and let’s start a conversation…

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