One of the most surprising pieces of feedback I’ve gotten since I started blogging is when people read a post, like it, but then immediately say “but this can go both ways” (meaning for both husbands and wives or men and women or fathers and mothers). I write from the perspective of a wife, mother and woman. I would not dare to say that I represent all women or even a majority. But I write things that I think are useful for married women. A question I have gotten – and sometimes get thrown under the bus for – is shouldn’t marriage be 50/50? My answer is absolutely not! It should be 100/100 and here are three reasons:
1. 50% is failing…it is a big fat F! I have never heard a teacher say that 50% is giving your best. I’ve never heard an employer say being here half the time is great or as long as you do half your work, you’re a good employee. In marriage 50% is not good enough. If I only give 50%, I am leaving a lot of space for failure, shortcomings and selfishness. I want to give my marriage 100%. It is the most important relationship in my life. I don’t ever hear anyone saying: “I give my children 50% and that is good enough”…people would be appalled and calling CPS!
2. There are times when I can’t give my all, so if I am already only giving 50%, it only goes down hill from there. There are many times in my marriage that I have to lean on my husband; when I am sick, when I am tired, when our children have pushed me to the edge of insanity! When our son was four weeks old I was in the hospital for 2 days and had surgery. I couldn’t give much at all and that left my husband responsible for 3 children (one of which was a newborn), taking care of me, working at his job, and keeping our household running. He stepped in like a champ and held things down. If he had the 50/50 mentality, we would have been in big trouble. He was already carrying more than his “fair” share since I was recovering from childbirth but what if he had stopped at 50%? He would have seemed like a cruel jerk to say Consuela pull it together you’re not giving your 50%! But in reality that is the attitude that many carry in a 50/50 marriage – they just don’t say it.
3. We do not commit to a 50/50 marriage. In most wedding vows we say things like in sickness and in health, in richer and in poorer, etc. None of those vows set a 50/50 standard they say I am giving my partner 100%; we are not going half on this marriage thing. We are in it 100%! This challenges us and grows us emotionally and spiritually. In a society where “self” can become god, allow your marriage to refine you and teach you to live for a bigger purpose that “self.”
Challenge yourself today to a 100/100 marriage! In what ways have you been giving into the 50/50 principle and what have you been missing out on because of it? Comment below and let’s start a conversation…