Once Upon A Time I Was A Perfect Parent

Once upon a time I was a perfect parent…  I never yelled at my kids, lost my patience or fed them junk food.  

I was perfect with a capital “P”!  

Then I actually became a parent.  

I judged parents harshly and I just KNEW these things would not happen to me.  My kids would be obedient, kind, joyful and eat their vegetables.

Then reality set in.

We are expecting our fourth child in March.  We have been pregnant 6 times in 7 years and, believe it or not, the more kids we have the more we realize we do not have this figured out!

So just for a good laugh here are the things I promised that I would never ever ever do when I was a parent.

  • Lie to them. No I will not tell little lies about a favorite shirt being dirty just because I do not want them to wear it to school for the third time this week…
  • Give them candy in church. How will they be able to sit still after eating sugar?  A perfectly timed sucker can easily get them through a 25 minute service!  Mommy win!
  • Threaten discipline. If you disobey you have consequences – no idol threats.  Sounds good and it’s true. But, when you just want to get through the grocery line and all eyes are on you…you lean over and whisper a threat.  Then if the child is really smart they will scream and cry the whole way to the car “Mommy please don’t spank me!”  While a red-faced mommy pushes the cart as quickly as possible to the car and sheds a few tears once she gets all the kids buckled in…then the kid will ask “Why are you crying mommy?”  Oh it isn’t obvious…
  • Ignore inappropriate behavior. This is the first cousin to threatening discipline.  This usually happens when your kid picks up a toy for the hundredth time in the store and you just ignore it because you are trying to find a birthday gift an hour before the birthday party.
  • Bribe them. It works end of story.
  • Use television as a distraction. Barney is not that bad when you want to go to the restroom alone or hide in your closet and eat a piece of candy and check Facebook.  Plus television can be really educational…right?
  • Let them play alone in a play-place. Sometimes a woman just wants to eat her chicken nuggets in peace, talk to a friend, balance her checkbook, stare off into space…  Plus those places are for kids – it says no one over 3 feet allowed!
  • Eat McDonalds. Yep I have seen documentaries of pink slime nuggets but I still enjoy a nugget every now and then…go ahead judge me harshly I am totally ok with it.  I also give them non-organic fruit, I don’t really know what a GMO is and I am probably using the wrong car seat too.

Well there you go!  Either you will laugh at this post and we will be best friends or you might call CPS…  You decide!

What kinds of things did you say that you would NEVER do as a parent, but you find that they were unrealistic expectations?  Post below and let’s laugh together…

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