We have all been surprised a time or two by a marriage crisis that pops up around us. Those times when a friend confides in us about things not going so well with their spouse and marriage. But, often it hits really hard when a couple you know announces a divorce or separation. Sometimes one spouse didn’t even see it coming….
My husband and I experienced a crisis in our marriage several years ago and I didn’t see it coming. After working through it and really processing it, there were signs – but nothing that really caught our attention until it was too late.
In today’s society what is “normal” in marriage can lead to a crisis. It is normal to fight, it is normal to talk down to your spouse, it is normal to have friends of the opposite sex… You get the point.
I am here to tell you some things aren’t normal even if “everyone” is doing it. Here are a few things to watch out for as a wife.
- Sarcasm, down talking, snarkiness and just being plain harsh! If you are speaking to your husband in these tones and have no guilt about it, you need to check your attitude. It may seem “normal” to join in when your girlfriends are talking about all the stupid things their husbands do, but do you really want to tear down your husband like that? You might say “He can’t hear it” – but YOU do and it slowly begins to change the way you view him.
- Rejecting your husband’s sexual advances. It is really easy to reject our husband’s advances…I mean really easy! I’m tired, I’m pregnant, I’m stressed, I’m fat, I’m not in the mood, I had a bad day…and on and on. God wired men for physical intimacy and as a wife you are the ONLY one who can righteously satisfy that need…go ahead let that sink in! It is a great responsibility but also such a joy to be able to meet this need in our husband’s life.
- Not engaging in your husband interests. I know, I know. You don’t like football. But, watching a game with your husband engages him. He may not seem engaged because he is glued to the television. But he appreciates you putting down your phone or the book you are reading and sitting with him during a game. He likes the comfort of you cuddled up next to him and just being beside him. If he golfs, just ride along in the cart with him. He loves time with you and he needs it. Ask yourself the question “If you are not his main companion who is?”
- Living separate lives or as roommates. You come and go as you please. He has his friends, you have yours. It works for you right? Nope! It doesn’t work. When you got married, you became one. You gave up your “right” to live your own life. If you are living as married singles, there is trouble brewing. Eventually someone will get lonely, become apathetic or find a new companion.
If you see any of these “normal” things happening in your marriage I am here to tell you they are NOT normal – they are red flags! Don’t be surprised by a crisis when the warning signs are there. Don’t get caught up in being “normal.” You don’t want a normal marriage anyway. You want an extraordinary marriage!
In what ways are you being “normal” in your marriage? Talk with your husband tonight about these four ways that normal is killing marriage and discuss how the two of you can protect your marriage from normal. Comment below and let us know your thoughts…