3 Thoughts On Oneness In Marriage

Newly wed couple holding hands.

A couple of weekends ago, I had the fortune of officiating a wedding for one of the students I had when I was a Youth Pastor.  It was an awesome ceremony full of love and laughs.  The bride and groom said “I do” and are now enjoying their lives together.  I was honored to play a small part in their union.

As with all opportunities that I get to speak, I wanted to say just the right thing.  I wanted to talk about a topic that would be the foundation to many happy years to come.  As I was preparing, I was led to the scripture in the book of Mark that is very commonly used in weddings:

Mark 10:6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

And, every time I read these words I immediately think about how God wants one thing for our marriage.  He has one instruction for us to make the relationship work.  He gives us one idea that, if implemented, will lead to happier marriages and fewer divorces.

That one thing is ONENESS.  God wants for husband and wife to become one…just as the scripture so clearly points out.  Of course, this is easier said than done.  And, oneness is a pursuit – possibly a life-long pursuit.  But, there are some tangible benefits to a husband and wife who are committed to being on the journey of oneness together.

1. Oneness requires selflessness.  Without oneness, we look out for ourselves.  In fact, selfishness and oneness are opposites.  You cannot have oneness if you are only looking out for yourself.  So, oneness asks us to put aside our own needs and wants and focus on how we can serve our spouse.

2.  Oneness requires forgiveness.  Without oneness, we record wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).  We keep track.  Our goal is to win.  When our spouse offends us, we make sure that it is never forgotten.  But, when our goal is oneness, we are quick to forgive.  We always assume the best about our partner and we give them the benefit of the doubt.

3.  Oneness requires love and respect.  Without oneness, we depend on ourselves for what we need most.  Or worse, we find someone else to give us what we need.  The Bible is ver clear that women need love and men need respect (Ephesians 5:33).  On the journey towards oneness, we should strive to be a student of our spouse.  We should learn their love languages and find out how to fill their love tank often.  We should seek to serve rather than be served.

So, how do you and your spouse rank on oneness?  Are you “married singles” or do you strive every day to get closer and closer to oneness?  Huddle up with your husband/wife tonight and discuss this idea of oneness and share with each other one step you’ll take this week to get closer to oneness.  Also, comment below and let me know what you would add to this list…

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